Drugs and me

September 23, 2021 at 11:27 am (By Amba) (, , )

Comments I wrote on this Freddie de Boer post about falling out with marijuana. It’s worth reading the post and the comments, where all sorts of varied insights are shared.


Interesting. I never got into the regular or frequent marijuana smoking habit the way it seems the vast majority of my peers did (I’m an old, VERY old baby boomer). I actually never bought any (true, though it sounds even to me like Bill Clinton saying “I didn’t inhale”). I was the mooch who smoked it when it was passed around at parties or when friends or siblings had some, and I had fantastic, fascinating, strange and pleasurable experiences, which were few enough so I still remember most of them in detail. I didn’t WANT to smoke it more often precisely because these experiences were so special and different. I would ponder each one for days or weeks afterward. I’m still pondering them!Recently I’ve occasionally accepted hits (vape or smoke) without much effect, despite the fabled strength of cultivated strains. (Whereas one or two hits of a joint at a new year’s party around 1980 sent me through the roof.) I also recently had my first tiny edible, a little iridescent gel cube, and enjoyed it a lot—it was a laughing strain. I’ve never done shrooms (synthetic mesc was as far as I got into psychedelics before I met Mr. Clean, who literally made me flush the remaining caps down the toilet—but that’s another story; I found the mesc fairytale magical, and I still ponder that too, but not mystical or ego-annihilating). I fully intend to do some when my responsibilities lighten, and I look forward to it.
I still have the rare mesc flashback, 50 years later, when I’m in some altered state like from being hungry or sleep-deprived, or for reasons unknown. I’ll be riding the New York subway, and adults will begin looking to me like borderline monsters, their faces twisted from within by trauma and avidity. If there is a small child in sight, I’ll look at the child for relief. They are perfect, pure as candles, like angels in hell.
I most definitely do not need the self-critical thing. I have more than enough of that sober.

I know two people who may well have been tipped into schizophrenia by [marijuana]. Apparently it’s known that multiple genes are involved in the susceptibility. There almost should be a “don’t smoke [lots of] weed” genetic test.

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