Thank you for [not] sharing.

September 14, 2016 at 3:31 am (By Amba)

Just because I’m drunk on self-inflicted sleep deprivation, I’m going to inflict a journal entry on you. But I’m putting it here, not on Facebook, so only the true masochists will make the effort to see it.


Went to see a film about John Berger. He’s still alive! A hearty 90, smoking and shoveling snow. But he just lost his wife. I went to see it because his short story about a farmer and a calf so haunts me. He went native in a French peasant village 40 years ago. I was a little disappointed to see he is still something of a cultural sophisticate after 40 years of helping with milking and haying. When young he was beautiful and self-dramatizing, with a mop of wavy black hair, high cheekbones and a prominent nose, a sort of Leonard Cohen or Leonard Bernstein of radical art criticism. He’s a beautiful old man, rugged and luminous, with beseeching eyes,


and his dialectics are at least simplified and more enigmatic, the fancy edges worn off. . . . The film, much of it, was annoyingly hip and formless. As if form were a form of capitalist colonial oppression. But I could look at Tilda Swinton forever. She looks like a 6- or 7-month fetus, when they are fully formed but haven’t yet put on any fat.

I realized that I am something of a radical, in terms of despising the worship of money, the loving of it more than life. (There’s a desperation about it, the flight from death that it is, that only makes things worse, gives you more to flee from.) But I see it almost the way an old Catholic would, not as a flaw in “the system” but in human nature, the way we cleverly hot-wire and short-circuit our own brains. And in that way I’m more of a conservative . . . except I don’t think returning to tradition is the answer, because tradition isn’t adapted to the modern world. [Which leaves me feeling] we’re fucked.


  1. Louise M said,

    Would it be true masochists who find this and click on a link, or those who carry a glimmer of hope in their heart that there’ll be something new under the sun this day, or at least, a repeat of something worthy of consideration?

  2. A said,

    I echo Louise…

  3. wj said,

    Yup. Not masochists . . . unless you count returning occasionally in the hopes that you have posted something as masochism.

    But I have limits. I’m going to check the “Notiry me of new posts” box. Wouldn’t want to miss something.

  4. Louise M said,

    When I read an article last week written by Robin Williams’ wife Susan about his post death diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia, I thought of Amba and Ambiance with feelings of sorrow and appreciation coming up, as it was here at this blog that I first heard about and learned more through a real life experience of LBD. I’m grateful for that awareness and connection, even as the cost and loss became clear.

    Thank you for sharing, then and now.

  5. kngfish said,

    Louise M, I saw that and sent it to Amba also! Great minds and all…

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