The lighter side of Florida crime!

May 10, 2013 at 9:55 am (Icepick) (Crime)

First up:

Nude dude on beach fleeing deputies left ID, cellphone, shorts behind

Deputies arrived in a marked four-wheel-drive patrol vechicle to respond to a report of nudity on a public St. Augustine beach Thursday morning. Once there, they saw a naked man walking along the water’s edge ….

Okay, I’ve actually done that, once, long ago, when I was still young and at least arguably worth seeing nude. Several of us were talking about going skinny dipping, but no one else had the nerve. Actually it was great, as the water temps were very warm and the surf was light. Also? Didn’t get stung by jelly fish!

… in view of several beachgoers, according to an arrest affidavit from the St. John Sheriff’s Office.

Um, but I didn’t do that. It was the middle of the night (like 3 AM or thereabouts) and the only witnesses were the people I was with. Plus, I was auditioning, as it were, for two women I was interested in. I eventually ended up involved with one of them, and probably just mis-timed things with the other. Oh well, the follies of youth!

But back to our intrepid naked man. It turns out that alcohol was probably involved! I know, who would have guessed?

Also, witnesses told police that a SECOND naked man had been walking around the area. They eventually found the shorts, phones and IDs of the people involved. Nothing like getting plastered in the middle of the day and walking around naked at the beach. Other than getting arrested, the second most likely bad outcome would be some NASTY sunburn!

And that takes us to story number two:

Man running from deputies attacked by alligator

You would think the headline says it all, but not quite!

A Florida man fleeing a traffic stop was attacked by an alligator Thursday, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies attempted to pull Bryan Zuniga, 20, over for not driving in a single lane around 2:47 a.m. near the 7100 block of 78th Avenue North. Zuniga stopped the vehicle, jumped out of the passenger side and broke through a fence, deputies said.

He reached a water treatment plant between Westchester Boulevard and 71st Street North, which is where he said the alligator attacked him.

Deputies found Zuniga at a nearby hospital where he was being treated for multiple puncture wounds to his face, arm and armpit area.

He was arrested around 12 p.m., taken to the Pinellas County Jail and charged with breaking or injuring fences, fleeing and eluding a police officer, driving while licenses suspended and resisting an officer without violence, reports show.

He’s being charged with ‘breaking or injuring fences’! This guy isn’t exactly Keyser Söze.