The Killer Mothers are Coming!

December 30, 2009 at 6:22 pm (By Realpc)

I am so relieved. I just found out that careful scientific research has discovered the cause of our society’s worst problems — war, violence and religion. And that there is a cure! It turns out that, believe it or not, people become violent because they were raised by “killer mothers.’ Yes, killer mothers. We think of mothers as loving comparssionate creatures who would die to save their baby’s lives. In reality, when their babies cry, mothers sometimes have an urge to throw them out the window! Most of the time, they don’t act on these urges. But they feel them, and the babies know it, and are therefore terrified most of the time. And, of course, when they grow up, they enlist in the armed forces. Not, as you thought, because they love their country, but because their amygdala has enlarged and their frontal lobes have shrunk — all from being raised by a killer mother!
You don’t have to believe me (you probably think what I’m saying is ca-razy!) — no, you can read it for yourself:
This is real scientific proof, and we know that because they used brain imaging technology!
So what can we do? Killer mothers have been around since our species landed on earth. In fact, it used to be much worse, and thanks to scientific progress and the decline of relgion, killer mothers are not quite so common as they were. But we still have an epidemic on our hands. What can we do? Well, start by making sure every mother gets psychotherapy. As we all know, psychotherapy makes angry, depressed, violent people as fluffy and loving as a batch of purring kitty cats! If you haven’t tried it, you should!
But don’t stop there. We need government programs and agencies that will ensure mothers do a good job and don’t even think about hurling their screaming infants out the window.
So that’s that. Have a fluffy loving day!


  1. Ron said,

    I am, indeed, down with the fluffy loving!

  2. amba12 said,

    Real: you’ve just discovered (or showed us for the first time) a gift for satire!

  3. Theo Boehm said,

    It turns out not only babies, but fish, too, are terrified most of the time, as recent ichthyological research has shown. There’s an interesting video on the subject at this link.

  4. realpc said,

    “fish, too, are terrified most of the time”

    So we need to start a government program to make sure all the fish get psychotherapy.

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